


system shutdown.

by Minunlike



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, mostly angst but the end is fluffy, nothing extreme or explicit but it's There so!, yeah... some strong emotions in here...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23023498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minunlike/pseuds/Minunlike
Summary: "Sometimes we have no other choice but to be inconvenient."
Relationships: Hikari | Dawn/Neziki | Thorton
Kudos: 12





	system shutdown.

**Author's Note:**

> this one's a pretty out-there pairing, I know. you can blame both pokemasters for making thorton so much more endearing as a character, and the japanese pixiv/twitter artists who stan this ship and draw so much amazingly adorable art of it~ 
> 
> unfortunately the english nejihika fandom is quite literally nonexistent outside of me and a couple friends ;v; but I hope to change that if I can, and one way to try is of course by writing fanfic for them... so here I am
> 
> please Enjoy~

_[‘That’s just how it is.’]_

Those were five words that Dawn had slowly come to hate more than anything else in the human lexicon.

-

“Aw, come on, Thorton, that’s what you _always_ say!” She was making very animated gestures at the VR receiver by now, oblivious to the awkward glances being sent her way by other PokeCenter patrons. “You spend so much of your time holed up in that _stuffy old lab_! I just wish you could get out more and spend some time with me, just... I dunno, doing _fun_ stuff?”

Other than flinching a bit at her volume, his stoic demeanor did not change.

“This _stuffy old lab_ happens to be my place of employment. I can’t just get up and leave my station whenever I feel like it, you _know_ that.”

“W-well yeah, but...!” Ugh, he always had some kind of Logical Retort ready to dismantle every emotional appeal she threw at him. She hated how _good_ he was at that. “Didn’t you say the factory was closed all weekend for technical main… maintain...tion… main-”

“The word is _maintenance_ ,” he said with the same deadpan look. “Yes, I did. And who do you think they put in charge of _performing_ that maintenance?” 

He rolled his eyes as he said that, and the look of pure exasperation on his face might have made her smile and giggle if this were a happier conversation.

Instead, she only lowered her head.

“I don’t mean to be a nag or anything, It’s just… I mean… It's been such a long time since we've done anything... Together, y’know…?”

There was a short, painful silence on both of their ends, which he finally broke with a quiet sigh.

“Listen, Dawn…” he started in his soft but stubbornly unbending _these-are-the-facts-of-life_ voice. “None of this is because I don’t _want_ to see you, okay? If I could drop everything to go out and meet you every time you asked, I’d do it in a _heartbeat_ , but… you’ve seen how these facilities are run. You know why I can’t do that.”

“Yeah…” She looked down to the floor, sulking like a scolded child. “Yeah, I know…” 

“You know that the Battle Frontier isn’t nearly as lenient with its employee protocol as the League is. We don’t have the luxury of deciding to just pack up and leave whenever we want-”

“Alright, _Professor_ , I _get it already_ ," she shot back indignantly. "I don't need a 50-page thesis report, sheesh. If you can't be there, just say so."

He closed his eyes and was very obviously resisting the urge to rub his temples.

"Well, we still haven’t determined with 100% certainty that I _can't_ go. All I said was that I can’t make any _promises_. Besides..." He put on one of his awkward lopsided smiles, the kind he puts on when he’s obviously trying to lighten the mood a bit, even though he knows she won’t like what he’s about to say. “If you want to hang out, you know you can come visit me at the factory whenever you want-”

“That isn’t the _same_ , though!” she whined back, doing her best to sound playful about it even if that wasn’t at all how she felt. “Where’s the fun in visiting you at work when you’re always _working_? It’s not like that many people get far enough to battle you these days, anyway! There’s no point if all you’re gonna do is spend the whole time fooling around with your _dumb machines_ -!”

She suddenly noticed how quiet the room was around her, and how loud her voice sounded in comparison. That little outburst of hers had apparently caused several people in the lobby to stop and stare, and it was only now that she felt all of their eyes boring into her at once.

“S-Sorry, sorry,” she gave them a hasty, red-faced apology, and once they all seemed satisfied enough to go about their own business, she turned gingerly back to the monitor.

She could see the hurt in his eyes, no matter how well he thought he was hiding it. Although she knew the damage was already done, she doubled back as hard as she could.

“I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just.” she took a breath to keep her voice from wavering, “It’s my first contest, y’know... I’ve never done this kind of thing before, and I’ve been training really, really, super hard for it, so I thought…”

She could barely even finish that thought anymore. This whole thing suddenly felt so _stupid_ , and the silence on his end wasn’t helping. But she was already rambling at this point, so what did she have to lose? Her self-respect? She’d already thrown that out.

“I mean, we haven’t seen each other in person in what… almost half a year now?” She took another small breath as she felt her eyes sting, _damn it Dawn you will_ **_not_ ** _do this in a public lobby,_ “And I’ve been telling you about this for weeks ahead of time 'cause... ‘cause I know how busy things get for you over there, y’know? I even signed up for the one that’s later in the evening, so you’d have more time before the performances start… I mean, it’s okay if you can’t make it in time for the whole thing, even if you’re only there for the closing ceremony, that’s fine, I-”

_“Dawn.”_

His sudden sternness made her halt her rambling immediately. After waiting a bit to make sure she was truly done, he relaxed and fell back into his soft, sympathetic tone.

“We only have a few more minor repairs and safety assessments left to do.They hired on some extra tech staff from outside to help speed things along, so we _should_ be done in time for me to make your performance, if everything goes smoothly... But we have t-”

“Buuuut we have to anticipate any Technical Difficulties or Human Errors that could possibly delay our progress,” she parroted back at him in an exaggeratedly nerdy voice. “Yeah, I get it...”

She could see him struggling afterward not to laugh, and the sight of it was cute enough to help her feel just a little less upset. Just a little.

“Listen,” he started again, now settling back into 100% Serious mode. “I don’t enjoy saying this any more than you enjoy hearing it, but I can’t walk away from a _mandatory inspection_ for something like this. It could compromise the employees’ safety _and_ the safety of every Pokemon that lives here.”

She nodded dully. “Yeah, I know...”

“I _might_ be able to make it in time, but there’s no guarantee. I can’t say for sure that nothing will go wrong, and I won’t insult your intellect by making a promise you know I may be forced to break.”

...She just kept nodding. He was absolutely right, as always, and she had no argument against any of it. She felt more of her petty, childish tears threatening to well up, and held them back behind her own awkward, lopsided smile.

“It’s fine… I know. Really, I get it.”

He didn’t have anything else to say to that. They both just sat there in yet another dumb silence as they waited for one of them to think of something to close off this conversation.

“It’s late,” he finally said, looking away at something off camera. “Go get some sleep. You’ll need it if you’re going on stage tomorrow.”

“Yeah, of course I will,” she nodded, willing up the courage for one final pathetic appeal. “Just… try to come and watch us if you can, please...?”

He hesitated for one tiny moment before giving her the most straightforward answer she’d heard from him that night.

“...We’ll see.”

...

They said their usual goodbyes and I-love-yous before hanging up, and she took the dreaded Walk of Shame through the lobby to her temporary lodging. After she’d showered, changed, and gotten tomorrow’s preparations in order, she all-too-eagerly collapsed onto the surprisingly soft Center-issued bed.

But sleep didn’t come right away. As much as she tried to relax, the memories and emotions of that night kept playing repeatedly in her head, over and over, refusing to leave.

She wanted so very much to just let go and cry. 

But she could never do something so selfish. Instead, she smothered it all in her pillow as the voice in her mind continued to scold her.

_‘You’re better than that, Dawn.’_

_‘You’re a respectable adult, so start acting like it.’_

_‘The world doesn’t revolve around you.’_

_‘There are people out there who struggle much more than you do.’_

_‘You can’t just cry every time things don’t go your way.’_

_‘You’re better than that.’_

_‘You’re better than that, Dawn.’_

_You’re better than that._

_So_ **_act like it._ **

_._

_.._

_…_

Though they were far from comfortable, she somehow managed to get a few hours of sleep that night.

\----

It was an unusually cold winter in Hearthome City. To be fair, chilly weather was far from uncommon in a country as far north as Sinnoh, but this particular winter seemed to bring with it a chill for the record books.

Of course, you’d never know it by looking at the participants in that night’s rookie-league Normal Rank Contest, every one of them decked out in all manner of gaudy and jarringly weather-inappropriate attire. Luckily for them, the modern miracle of Central Heating was there to protect them from the freezing cold.

Dawn sat backstage with the other contestants as they waited to be ushered onstage. Somehow, she didn’t feel nearly as anxious as she thought she would. Chalk it up to already being the champion of the entire region, maybe, or to the fact that her opponents were all younger kids and sheltered upper-class people who very clearly had next to 0 experience with training Pokemon.

Not that she thought she was _above_ them, of course! As far as Contests went, she was just as fresh-faced and clueless as they were. Sure, her mother may be a world-famous Contest Queen, but that had nothing to do with her, did it? 

She’d never been all that interested in the whole Contest scene or the melodrama that came with it, despite being surrounded by it her entire life. She just couldn’t wrap her head around what made these things such a big deal, it only felt like an excuse to judge people and Pokemon based on things that ultimately didn’t matter or mean anything. 

Frankly, she didn’t even care that much about how tonight’s contest turned out… winning would be nice, of course, but she wasn’t too terribly bothered by the possibility of _not_ winning, either.

_‘So… why are we here, then?’_

… She didn’t have an answer. Now that she thought about it, entering this contest was a decision she kind of made on a whim. ‘Oh boy, I just got back home after half a year of training overseas in Unova! Wouldn’t this be a radical way for the Champion to announce her return!’

That was her logic at the time, anyway. Going back over it now, though, it just sounded… really dumb and childish. It sounded like a thing some desperate, washed-up e-celebrity would do to feel like they were still relevant.

_‘Wow, am I really that starved for attention?’_

Before she could dwell on that thought, a soft tug on her dress pulled her back to reality. She turned to look at her partner with an affirming smile, patting him gently on the head.

“Hey there, Leif… sorry, I was just thinking a little too hard. I’m okay now.”

The Leafeon purred contentedly against her hand and then leapt down from his seat, visibly excited and raring to get on that stage. It was nice to see at least one of them taking this ordeal on with such enthusiasm… and if her partner was willing to put in that energy, then it was her job to put in just as much, even if it was insincere.

But hey, better to lie to herself than be an inconvenience to everyone else.

\----

She couldn’t find Thorton in the crowd at the opening ceremony.

He wasn’t there when the contest actually started, either. 

She tried not to make it too obvious that she was constantly scanning the seats for most of her performance, causing her to fumble the dance routine a few more times than she would have liked. At one point, it distracted her so much that she accidentally stepped on her poor Leafeon’s tail, a mistake they barely bounced back from by playing it off as a comedy bit.

By the time the performances were done and the results were being announced, she’d stopped bothering to look for him.

\----

They ended up placing 2nd out of 8. That was a fair decision, and she couldn’t argue with it. If anything, she felt it oddly generous of them to rank her so highly after that disastrous display of hers.

Either way, the Contest was over.

…

…

“... Mmhm… yeah… yeah, Mom, I know… uh-huh… I got it… yeah, I’ll be more careful next time… mmhm…. okay, yeah…… alright, _enough_ already, I said I’ll be careful-! …...Ah, n-no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell…… no, you’re right, I appreciate the advice… I’m just really tired right now, okay? I’ll be fine once I can rest for a minute… yeah, sure. Got it…… yep... love you too... bye.”

She hung up the phone and promptly sank into the bench behind her, letting out the exhausted sigh she’d been holding in for a full ten minutes.

It was still bitterly cold outside, but she had her thick winter jacket to protect her now. She also had Leif, who had draped himself over her lap like an improvised leafy blanket, the way he always liked to do when he thought she was feeling out of sorts.

They sat there and watched the steady stream of people exiting the Contest Hall’s front doors. There were a lot more of them than she’d expected for a normal-ranked competition, especially in weather like this… and that made it harder to pick out any specific person in the crowd, which was the only reason she was still hanging around out here in the first place.

_‘Just because I didn’t see him in the audience, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t there! There’s still a chance he made it, so I have to wait for him here, just in case!’_

That was her logic, at least. The Contest Hall might be closing for the night, but nothing was stopping her from sitting outside! And she was fully prepared to sit there until every last attendee walked out that door.

So she waited. And waited, and waited, and waited.

She saw a few of the other contestants leaving, all of them accompanied by other people. The guy who won 1st place was laughing and celebrating with a group of his friends. The girl half her age who’d come in dead last started bawling right in front of the doorway, having to be consoled and carried off by her father. The little boy who had placed 3rd was eagerly showing off his Shinx's new bronze ribbon to his tired-looking mother because _Wow Mom look how Pretty and Shiny it is_ , while she patiently nodded along.

And as Dawn watched them leave one by one, she realized how _foreign_ it all felt to her. 

Being talked to.  
Being listened to.  
Being comforted and reassured.

Wow… had she really gone for almost half a year without feeling any of that?

{Nearly six entire months of traveling in a new country, with plenty of people to meet and plenty of events she could use as an excuse to meet them… but instead, she’d spent most of it training in caves and mountains alone.

Well, her Pokemon were there with her, so she wasn’t _literally_ alone. They were her reliable, trusted friends and they all worked so hard for her sake.

But having no other _humans_ to talk to was still such a lonely feeling. 

[The people just seemed so... _scary_ and unapproachable there. They spoke to each other so differently, they were louder and ruder and more in-your-face. Sure, she wanted to believe they were nice, decent people in general, but she wasn’t brave enough or suicidal enough to risk being wrong.

There was no one she knew. They were all an entire ocean away from her. She could call any one of them on the phones at the Pokemon Center, which she did almost every night she spent the night anywhere near one.

Barry and Lucas weren’t there to fire up her competitive spirit, so she had no drive to enter any tournaments. There were no contests in Unova either, and she didn’t see any satisfaction in entering another Pokemon League when she’d only be competing with unapproachable strangers… so she trained in the mountains. The natural scenery was very pretty and fun to explore, but there was still something lonely about it, even when her Pokemon were there to keep her company.

But hey, she _chose_ to live like that. ‘ _Spending time abroad will be good for me!’,_ she’d told herself. ‘ _It’ll broaden my horizons and give me some worldly experience!’_ Now, she hadn’t exactly chosen to spend all of that time _by herself_ , but... well.

It was a while ago now, but she could still remember her last face-to-face conversation with him before leaving Sinnoh.

\---

_“... You’re joking, right?”_

_She knew he didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, but that question still stung._

_“No, of course not… I thought it’d be really nice for us to travel together, y’know? See something new together... Why would I joke about that?”_

_“Wh-... do you have any idea how_ busy _we are in the summer!? I can’t just pack up and leave the country on such short notice, I thought you of all people would understand that!”_

_She knew he didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, but the irritation in his eyes made her feel like such a nuisance._

_“W-Well, yeah, I mean it was just a suggestion… and it doesn’t have to be a Right Now thing, we could always just meet up somewhere later…"_

_After the usual painful silence, he simply shrugged and shook his head._

_"... I'll talk to the staff, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. You need to plan_ ahead _for these things, Dawn. You can’t just make long-term plans like this on a whim, okay…?”_

_She knew he didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, but his curt, exasperated tone made her feel like the most thoughtless, selfish idiot in existence._

_..._

_Even then, emotionally desperate as she was, she should have known better than to expect any comfort or sympathy from her mother._

_“You ought to know by now that the world doesn’t revolve around you, Dawn! You can’t expect him to drop everything for you on the spot and then come crying to me when he tells you no!”_

_Her hand shook as it held the VR phone, resisting the powerful urge to slam it into the receiver._

_“Mmhm, you’re right… m’sorry…”_

_“Apologize to him, not me. And before you go making big plans like this again, just try to remember that people have their own lives outside of you, alright?”_

_“Mmhm.”_

_She was on autopilot by then, right until the moment she was finally, mercifully allowed to hang up._

_…_

_She didn’t apologize to him, only because she knew she’d break down and embarrass herself if she tried. She just told him when her flight was leaving and invited him to come see her off, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be there._

_…_

_~~~_

_For six entire months since then, she’d had almost no meaningful human contact._

_But she accepted that... after all, it was her own fault, wasn’t it?_

_For being so thoughtless?_

_Or for being so selfish?_

\---

...

Before she knew it, an hour had passed.

The square was now completely empty, except for herself and her Leafeon. The Contest Hall had long since been vacated and shuttered up for the night. Anyone who might have been inside that building was certainly not anymore.

He wasn’t coming out of there, that was very clear by now.

Even so, her legs wouldn't budge. Maybe it was denial, maybe it was pure, raw spite... either way, she wasn't leaving. No matter how bitter the cold, or how chilly the wind, she couldn't bring herself to move from that spot. She didn’t care if she got sick. She didn’t care about anything. She didn’t-

She heard a very loud forceful sneeze from the leafy companion on her lap, making her forget her petty anger for just a moment. Sighing, she patted him on the head and took out his ball.

“Alright, in you go. It's too cold for you to be a blanket right now."

He didn't look happy about it, but he listened and let her return him anyway. After he was gone, the sudden lack of warm protection hit her almost immediately, and the persistent wind suddenly felt a hundred times colder than before. She would probably end up getting sick if she stayed out much longer, if she wasn't already condemned to that fate.

But she didn't care. She stayed put.

Her actions would accomplish absolutely nothing, and she knew it. But nothing she did would make this night any less horrible either way, so what did it matter if she got sick? Maybe she deserved it for being too weak to handle pain and frustration like a mature, unselfish adult. 

Why was she even angry again? Because she wouldn't see Thorton for one more day? Because she'd carelessly gotten her hopes up when she knew full well that one Spontaneous Accident or System Malfunction could send weeks of planning and preparation right out the window?

But that wasn’t the part she hated so much. It wasn’t his fault for working a job so important and demanding. She’d accepted that his job would probably interfere with any chance they might have to spend time together long before they’d even started dating. 

What she hated was the way he‘d always hide behind his Logic and Reasoning to avoid the inevitable emotional fallout.

 _“These things happen, Dawn.”_ _  
__“There’s no other qualified staff they can call in.”_ _  
__“I’m not happy either, but this is a serious safety hazard and it can’t wait.”_ _  
__“Just try to focus on something else. If you keep dwelling on your anger, you’ll only make yourself sick.”_

Every time, without fail, he’d repeat these things to her.

He was right, of course. He was absolutely right about everything. She knew he was only doing this because he hated watching her hope crumble, after yet another workplace incident had forced him to personally crush it. 

But whenever he talked like that, he sounded too much like Her...

\------

_“You’re not going to get anywhere in life by crying and feeling sorry for yourself.”_

_“Do you have any idea how badly your childish tantrums reflect on me as a parent?”_

_“Life isn’t fair. Getting angry won’t make it any easier on you, it just makes it harder on everyone else.”_

_“All I’m asking is that you show some more consideration for people who aren’t yourself… is that so much to expect of you?”_

\------

Thorton’s words were never as harsh or as demeaning, but they still held the same sentiments behind them: disappointment, frustration, inconvenience. Yet another reminder to them both that his life would be so, so, so much easier if she weren’t a part of it.

And it hurt. But she couldn’t do anything to stop it, and that made it hurt even more.

So at some point, she’d resolved to take those words to heart. No matter what life decided to throw at her, no matter how difficult it was or how much pain it put her through, she would never be an embarrassment or a burden on another person ever again.

……

Yet here she was. Sitting outside in the dark for the past hour, sulking and stubbornly enduring this frigid air, because leaving meant admitting to herself that this whole stupid plot and the months she’d spent preparing for it had all been nothing but a gigantic waste of time.

_‘Wow! Even when you’re getting nothing out of it, you still find a way to cause problems for everyone around you!’_

She couldn’t even deny that hateful voice, because nothing it said was wrong.

‘... Why, though? I’m just trying to live and be happy like everyone else, don’t I deserve that too?’

Her own voice tried to argue back in her defense, but it echoed feebly inside her head. Honestly, even she couldn’t be sure of that anymore… and so both sides of her began tossing the same arguments back and forth, spiraling into another endless cycle.

 _‘You just have to stop being so selfish and needy all the time!’  
_ ‘But I can’t keep pretending I don’t have human emotions! I’m tired of it, I can’t do this for the rest of my life!’  
 _‘So you’re fine with watching them bend over backwards and put their own lives on hold to make you happy?’  
_ ‘Of course not! But why do I always have to just smile and accept it like my feelings don’t matter at all?’

They just kept on and on and on, exactly like they had done every other time, so loudly that they drowned out everything else around her. So pervasively that her mind only vaguely registered the sound of crunching snow that drew steadily closer. So bitterly, so defiantly, so relentlessly, because it was all a fragile, selfish brat like her knew how to do anymore-

She suddenly felt something warm and metallic pressed up against her cheek. A hot coffee from the vending machine. She knew who was holding it before he even opened his mouth.

“Hi.”

… She didn’t take the drink from him. She refused to look his way, or even to move at all. 

Eventually, he seemed to get the message and pulled the can away with a sigh. She felt the bench dip as he sat down next to her, and a few moments later the warm aluminum tried to press its way into her lap.

“...I don’t like coffee.”

She tried to push it away, but he didn’t budge.

“It’s the only hot drink I could find. At least use it to warm up your hands so they don’t get frostbitten.”

As always, his Perfect Infallible Logic triumphed over any argument she could possibly throw at him. So she held the can in her lap, wrapping both hands around it, trying not to clench them too hard in her frustration. 

The demeaning voice in her head was silent now. All she could hear were the rustling winds and the occasional quiet sip from what she presumed was his own hot beverage. 

The silence was irritating. It was too uncomfortably calm after the unyielding torrent of noise that came before it. It was almost another form of torment in itself. 

She couldn’t deal with it. Not again.

“Why are you here, Thorton?”

His response was so quick and flippantly matter-of-fact that she had to resist gripping her pressurized can too tightly in annoyance.

“You weren’t at the Pokemon Center, which is the only building in town that’s open to the public at this time of night. And since you’d only have reason to wait around one other location, it wasn’t that difficult to single out-”

 _“That’s not what I mean and you_ know _it.”_

He didn’t even try to complete his sentence. Instead, another frustrating and unpleasant silence hung over them both. 

Another one, just like the last time this happened.

And the time before that.  
And the time before that.

And the time before that.  
And so on and so on and so on and so on.

After what felt like ages, he finally decided to try saying something else.

“I tried to convince them to let me clock out early…” His voice was quieter and more apologetic, to try and soften the blow they both knew was coming next. “They even agreed to let me leave an hour early, but ten minutes before the end of my shift, the aquarium’s main tank burst, and they had to bring in every employee on the property to help with securing and relocating the-”

“I don’t care!” she snapped back. “It doesn’t matter anymore… if you knew you weren’t going to make it until everything was over, why’d you waste your time coming out here at all? Don’t you have more _work_ to do tomorrow?”

That was so, so horrible and inconsiderate of her to say, and she knew it even as the words left her mouth. But there was only so much sympathy she could give to every innocent Pokemon that depended on Thorton to fix every malfunction and remedy every disaster that forced him to disappoint her with another cancellation.

She loved those Pokemon. She treasured their lives just as much as he did. If everything were entirely up to her, she would choose their health and safety over one stupid date every time.

And that was why it _hurt_ so much.

She knew that none of them were trying to upset her on purpose. Neither Thorton nor the Pokemon had any control over these incidents whatsoever. Every time, he’d literally gone out of his way to find a compromise that would make her happy too, but for most of them there was simply no room for compromise or debate.

Acting petty out of anger was even less helpful. In fact, it never did anything but make things worse. She knew that, she knew it very well. She knew that she couldn’t change anything, no matter what she did.

But this time it was just too much. 

It just hurt. So. _Much_.

And all she wanted was for him to tell her that that was Okay.

It was okay to be upset. It was okay to be disappointed. It was even okay to cry a little, no matter how stupid the reason.

That was it. That was literally it.

“I told you, Dawn,” he began again. “This was always a possibility. You knew that in advance. Why are you getting so worked up about it now, of all times?”

Her tears were already starting, and she didn’t even bother trying to hide them. She’d passed the point of no return a long time ago.

“Because we _always_ _do this_ ,” she said, sniffling pathetically. “We make plans to do something cool and I get really excited, and then you have to cancel them last-minute. And when I get upset, you tell me that’s _just how it is_ and I don’t… just… I _know_ that’s how it is, but I can’t...!”

She had to stop and collect herself, but before she could speak again, he did it for her.

“Hey, it’s not good to get so worked up while you’re out in this freezing weather. You’ll make yourself sick. I know this is frustrating for you, but please try to calm down and just-”

“Shut _up_!!”

Her arm moved so abruptly in her sudden outburst that it sent the coffee flying from her hand, and it landed a fair distance away with an audible _pop_. 

From the corner of her eye, she could already see how much of a mess it had made on the pavement… and the tears started right up as she huddled into herself, almost like a defensive reflex. But maybe it was better that way... now she wouldn’t have to see him staring at her with such fearful concern.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, I just can’t... I can’t just ‘calm down’, okay…?”

She tried to wipe her face so that none of her tears would freeze to it, with only moderate success. It didn’t matter to her, though. She didn’t care about getting sick as much as he claimed to.

“You always tell me to just stop being upset, because there’s nothing anyone can do, because that’s _just how it is_ , because it doesn’t solve anything, and I… I _know_ it doesn’t! But it still _Hurts_ , okay? You can tell me it’s _just how it is_ all you want, but that doesn’t make it _hurt any less_...! I’m tired of having to pretend it doesn’t hurt, I can’t… I can’t do it anymore...”

She didn’t notice him closing the distance between them until he pulled her in and wrapped her up in the embrace of his thick parka… no longer held back by meaningless things like Pride and Dignity, she held onto him for dear life and buried her cold, wet face in the fluff of his jacket.

“I love you… I miss you… I want to spend time with you, the Real you, not another stupid screen… why is that a bad thing, huh? I don’t understand it, I just can’t understand, I can’t-... I jus t ...”

What followed after that were a few minutes of her muffled ugly crying and his quiet, gentle attempts to soothe her, followed by a few minutes of calm as they stood there silently, huddled even more tightly to shut out the wind.

Following that, he sighed tiredly and leaned into her.

“Maybe this is starting to get unhealthy...”

\----

.

_“How do you do it?” she remembered asking him once. “The whole Rental Pokemon thing.”_

_He glanced over at her, a tiny Mankey cradled in his arms as it lay sleeping draped over his shoulder._

_Seeing it in such a peaceful state, no one would’ve known the horrific violence that this very same Mankey had carried out just ten minutes prior... the building-wide rampage that had taken the combined efforts of Thorton and six other factory personnel to get under control, destroyed several expensive-looking pieces of equipment, and left an ungodly amount of broken glass in its wake._

_“That’s a vague question,” he smirked at her through the still-bleeding scratch mark across his face. “It’d help if you were a little more specific-”_

_“Look at yourself, you know what I mean. How do you handle all…” she gestured vaguely at the wreckage around them. “...all this, every day? Raising so many different Pokemon with so many different needs? How do you guys handle that kind of stress without going insane...?”_

_Somewhat surprisingly (for him), he seemed to be trying to put together a genuine answer right away, as opposed to his usual smart-ass teasing._

_“Well, having the relevant knowledge is obviously important, but that alone will only get you so far. I can’t say I always ‘handle’ it perfectly or that it’s never overwhelming, but… it helps to remember that these outbursts never happen for no reason.”_

_The look on her face must have spoken for itself, because he answered it before she could say a word._

_“I mean that Pokemon never act out like this for the sole purpose of making our lives harder. Usually, they’re trying to tell us what they need in a way that isn’t immediately understandable. Or, they do it to protect us from something even more dangerous. And sometimes, it’s just the only way they know how to cope with their pain...”_

_“Huh,” she was a little taken aback by his sudden profundity. “Well, I guess that’s bound to happen when they can’t use human language to just tell us what’s wrong.”_

_“Oh, it happens with humans too. Even with the advantage of language, we have other methods for ensuring our needs are met when words aren’t enough... some of them more voluntary than others.”_

_“Mm, I guess so. but if it were me, I think I’d rather get my needs met without making it super difficult and inconvenient for everyone else…”_

_He gave her another one of his smirks, glancing back to the broken glass on the floor around them._

_“Sometimes we have no other choice but to be inconvenient.”_

_._

\----

Once they were back at the Center, they ordered themselves some hot beverages (of far superior quality), and they sat together in one of the lobby’s cushioned couches. 

“It’s pretty impressive that you managed to pull off a recovery like that. Good thing your friend here has such an odd sense of humor.”

He laughed and patted the head of the leafy friend in question, who had been contentedly serving the role of improvised lap-warmer for both of them, while his trainer huffed and sent him back into his ball for the night.

“Yeah, well I didn’t think it was so funny at the time...”

They were sitting huddled around Thorton’s mobile machine, watching a recording of the televised Contest broadcast on its tiny monitor. She’d told him that he didn’t have to force himself to sit and watch the whole recording with her if he didn’t have the time, but he was so insistent on it that he’d even paid for both of their drinks. And it wasn’t like she _wanted_ him to leave, now that he was actually here.

This was her first calm, quiet, stress-free moment with him in so long… and yet the same cold, condescending, never-satisfied voice continued to taunt her.

 _‘He shouldn’t have had to do all this.’_ _  
__‘He’s only here because you’re such a pitiful baby.’_  
 _‘If you weren’t so pathetic, he wouldn’t have to keep wasting valuable time on you.’  
_ ‘Gosh, wouldn’t his whole life just be so much less stressful without-’

But it was silenced abruptly by the sudden weight of his arm around her shoulder, and his hand running gently through her hair.

“...I’m here because I want to be here. This isn’t a waste of my time.”

She knew he was being honest. If only her mind could accept it and leave it at that, but it just wasn’t that easy anymore.

“Y-Yeah, but…" the doubt and the self-contempt piped up for her again. "It’s not fair to you, you know? I mean, your job is hard enough as it is and you have so many more things to worry about than me being a little lonely... And I keep making it harder even though I don’t mean to because I never think before I do literally anything, and..." now the tears were starting back up, _oh please no_. “I know you already have so little time to yourself, and I know it’s not fair to make you waste that free time on me just because I can’t--”

She didn’t get the chance to say anything else before she was suddenly jerked toward him and her lips caught in his. It was a very awkward, graceless, unceremonious kiss, and it took them both a few seconds to regain themselves after they broke it off. Thankfully, there was no one else there to witness it but the receptionist, who seemed more interested in the snow outside.

After that mess was over, he put his arm around her shoulder again, even more firmly now, and stared directly into her eyes with the most deadly serious expression she had ever seen from him.

“ _You are not a waste of my time, Dawn_.”

It was the first time he’d ever initiated something like that without her pressing him for it. She knew how much he struggled with physical displays of affection, so for him to go as far as a full-fledged Actual Kiss… how could she argue with him after that?

She couldn’t... so she didn’t. She just sat there and nodded dumbly, watching the still-heavy snowfall through the large glass windows because she still hadn’t recovered enough to look directly at him.

But after a minute or two, she could at least talk to him again.

“I guess I should say… thanks… for coming out here to see me.” She tried to force a smile for him, though he probably couldn’t see it anyway. “I really am happy you did, even if you couldn’t make the Contest. And even if you can’t stay the night or anything... cause you probably have to start heading back in a little bit…”

“Hm? I don’t remember saying anything like that.”

“Huh?” She turned to him in confusion despite herself. “But won’t they need you back there to make sure everything stays fixed, and all? In case something else needs, you know… maintain… maintain…”

“Maintenance.” 

“Yeah, that one.”

“Mmhm.” He rolled his eyes teasingly at her. “All of the damage control and crucial repair work is already done. A few minor things might need fixing up here and there, but nothing urgent and nothing any mechanic worth his salt would have trouble with. The only reason they would have to call me specifically is that they decided they’re too cheap to hire someone from outside the company.”

It took a moment for her brain to process what that meant, but when it did, she could almost physically feel her spirits lift and a stupid smile spread across her face, her first genuine one that day.

“You mean… even if they try and call you in…?”

“If they do that, then...” He glanced out the window at the snow, which had only gotten heavier over time. “All they need to know is that my return trip will have to be delayed due to hazardous weather.”

“Wow,” She made a show of being utterly shocked at this act of rebellion from the goody two-shoes Factory Head. “But aren’t they gonna be mad that they have to spend that extra bit of money? Won’t that be kind of annoying?”

He looked at her with that stupid smirk of his, the one she both hated and loved so much, and shrugged.

“Oh, well. That’s just how it is.”


End file.
